Lyric: Five

“I just don’t want to talk about it,” I said as I grabbed my tray off the counter and started to look for a table.

“But I’m your best friend,” Andrew pleaded as we sat down.

“So? That doesn’t mean I have to talk to you about every single detail of my life. Has it ever occurred to you that maybe I don’t want to talk about it, that maybe it hurts too much to even think about?”

“I’m just trying to help,” he whispered after a few seconds. My last sentence hurt him, I knew it. But really, I was sick of him trying to get me to talk to him about it. I didn’t even want to think about it. It was a miracle that I’ve made it to lunch without crying. Government was next, the class I had with Him, and I’ve been plotting how I could skip it since Psychology let out.

I glanced up and saw Andrew looking down at his Big Mac. “I’m sorry. I just really don’t want to talk about it. It hurts, and I don’t like this kind of pain.”

He nodded. “I get it. I don’t know why I keep trying. I know you won’t talk to me about anything you don’t want to. I’m just mad, I guess. I hate seeing you hurt like this, it’s almost unsettling. You’re never like this.”

I felt my heart sink. And here I was thinking I had hurt him with my words. He should have just taken a knife to my stomach; it probably would have hurt less. I didn’t need more reminders of how I changed. Every time I looked in a mirror I thought I looked different. I wasn’t myself. I wanted my old self back, more than Andrew or Blair did. I was finding it was going to be hard to find her though. I couldn’t find her if I was still hoping for Him back. I picked my phone out of my back pocket to check it, an annoying habit I’ve developed. I kept checking my phone like He was going to text me or something. I also had to stop myself from texting him. I couldn’t break. I had to prove I wasn’t the spineless girl I believe he thinks I am. The ball was currently in his court, if He wanted me back, He would come to me.

“We got to get going, or we won’t make it back to school in time.”
I glanced up and saw Andrew grabbing both our trays and throwing away the empty containers on them. That was definitely the con about being able to leave campus for lunch. You were on a time limit, and teachers weren’t lenient in any way, shape, or form if you were late to class after lunch.

“I don’t even want to go.” I said as Andrew started his car and drove off.
The whole seven minutes it took us to get to the school I was contemplating how I could get out of going to Government. I didn’t want to see Him. I didn’t think my heart could really take it. I didn’t know if I was ready to be in the same room with him knowing that I wouldn’t be able to go up and hug him when the bell rang.
I ended up in class. I was too wrapped up in my thoughts on how to get out of going, I never realized I actually walked into the classroom and sat at my desk. The tardy bell rang and I looked over to the last desk, two rows over and saw that the desk was empty. I couldn’t believe it. He actually ditched a class. I sat there racking my brain for a reason for why he would ditch class. I could only find one. He didn’t want to see me.