Lyric: Seven

The spot is this spot in an open field at the park by the school. It’s where he asked me to be his girlfriend. I saw his car when I pulled into the parking lot. ‘Okay,’ I tell myself. ‘Whatever you do, don’t cry.’

I walked up to where he was standing, stopping about six feet away from him. I was afraid to get any closer. I didn’t want to impulsively do something I’d regret, like touch him.

He glanced up at me. “Hey,” he said.

I immediately looked down at my shoes. I felt my stomach clench and my heart drop. That one second glance from him made me weak. “Hi,” I whispered.

“Can you look at me?” He asked as he took a step forward.

“Why?” I snapped as I looked up at him. I met his eyes and my knees almost gave out. I caught my balance, never losing his stare. I realized I was pissed. I was pissed for his stupidity that made the past three days hell for me. I was pissed because he never called me. I was pissed because it seemed like it was so easy for him to give up and let this go. Let us go. I know why I hadn’t called him. I didn’t want him to think I was weak. I wanted him to come to me. Now that I had gotten what I wanted it was his move. The ball was in his court.

“I don’t know,” he said.

I just stood there. I still had no idea what to say. I wanted to ask why he made me meet him. But I was afraid of that answer. I was afraid if I asked he would just say forget it and leave. If it was really going to be over with us I wanted this moment to last as long as possible. It was going to be the last one I got.

“Why did you do it?” he finally asked.

“You doubted me.”

“So you just end it?”

“You think that’s what I wanted?” I snapped.

“You said it,” he said. His voice was barely above a whisper.

“Doesn’t mean I meant it,” I said.

“Then why did you say it?”

“I told you, you doubted me. You made me feel weak. I only said it to prove you wrong. I wanted to be right.”

“You got what you wanted,” he whispered as he looked down.

“Yeah, breaking my own heart is exactly what I wanted,” I said sarcastically.

“Then what do you want?”

“What do you think?” I asked, dropping my voice a little bit. I couldn’t figure out what he was being so dense. He knew exactly what I wanted. Why else would I have come to meet him? If I really wanted this to be over I would have told him to kiss my ass and ignored him. Just like I have with every other guy still hung up over me after a break up. With him though, I didn’t want this to end. I didn’t even mean it when I said it was over. I was just trying to not feel weak.

“I need to hear you say it.”

“I want you, you idiot.”

He laughed. “I didn’t think you would actually do it.”

“Of course you didn’t. That’s why I did it. Doubt, it motivates me. I like being right, you know that. When somebody doubts me I want to prove them wrong. I didn’t mean it though.”

“So the past three days have been a nightmare for me all because I was being stupid?”

“Pretty much,” I said.

“I’m sorry,” he said finally looking me in the eyes again.

He took another step forward. I felt my leg go to take a step forward but I stopped it. I felt fear creep up my body. I didn’t want to make a mistake. I still felt like I was walking on eggshells with him. I kept his stare. He kept taking small steps forward. I stayed planted in my spot. I was almost too afraid to even move. He stopped when he was about three inches away from me. I took a deep breath. The scent of his cologne filled my nose. I smiled. I wanted to take that step, that step that would put me in his arms and put my body against his. But I was afraid. I was afraid he would break my heart again. I was afraid he would walk away if I took that step.

But I didn’t have to. He took the last step and put his arms around my waist, pulling me into his chest. I felt my eyes start to water. But I kept it in. I put my arms around him, hugging him back.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered and kissed my forehead.

And I felt my heart reassemble itself, becoming whole again.