Lyric: Three

I got out of my seat to hand in my test. As I turned, I noticed him look up and watch me as I walked back to my seat. I gave him a quick wink as I sat down and pulled out my notebook to start doodling. We’ve been playing this eye tag/staring contest for the past couple of classes. He was definitely interested.

I smiled to myself as I opened my notebook and started my first doodle of the day. I’m no artist, please; I can barely draw a stick figure with a ruler. But I have this dinosaur thing I draw; it’s kind of pathetic actually. But it’s like my trademark. It’s my dinosaur. I also add song lyrics around the paper. It’s weird, but I like how it turns out. I was just finishing up the current doodle I was working on. It had more song lyrics I’ve ever put on any of my past doodles, it was definitely going to go up on my bedroom wall, when the bell rang. Andrew and Madison almost raced out of the class. They had some important ‘man’ business to take care of right after class. Perk one of being a senior; you get out of school early. I glanced over at him and noticed he was taking a really long time to pack his stuff together. I knew what was coming next; he was trying to time it just right so that we hit the top of our rows at the same time, so that we ended up being in ‘sync when we walked toward the door, definitely a classic. I threw my notebook in my backpack, zipped it up and started walking up my isle right as he did the same. I felt a huge grin come on to my face as we both ended up side by side as we walked to and out the door. “See you next class,” he mumbled as he turned left, and I went right.

“Butthead, you in there?” Blair asked as he knocked on my door.

“NO!” I yelled back, hoping he’d leave me alone.

“Good, I’m coming in,” he informed me as he walked into my room and shut the door behind him.

I sat up, grabbed Nicky, the stuffed animal my mother got me when I was home sick from school when I was six, and put him in my lap. “What?” I asked.

“What happened?” he asked as he joined me on my bed.

“What makes you think I want to talk about it?” I snapped.

“What makes you think I care if you want to talk about it or not?” he snapped back.

That’s one of the things I admired most about Blair, he could take whatever I threw at him, and hand it right back.

I sighed, “It’s nothing.”

“Oh yeah, sounds like a whole lot of nothing,” he said sarcastically.

“Why does it matter so much to you?”

“Because, you’re my little sister, and you’re the only one I got so I have to be an
over-protective asshole or else I’m not doing my job right.”

“You’ve never been so involved before.” I pointed out.

“Yeah, and you’ve never cared so much about your past relationships. I never had to be involved; you came to me and told me everything. I didn’t have to force it out of you.”

“Why can’t you just hate me like normal big brothers?”

He shrugged at that. I’ve asked that a billion times lately. He never had a response to it. “It doesn’t matter. Tell me what’s going on.”

“No. Blair, I don’t want to talk about it. I can hardly think about it without feeling like my spleen is being ripped out.”

“What’s happened to you?” he asked, suddenly. I looked up into his face, something changed. He looked concerned.

“No. Don’t do that, you know I hate that,” I said.

“That obvious?” he asked and looked down.

“Yes. Please, it’s me, remember?” I knew Blair as well as he knew me. Out of the five of us kids, me and him were the best at hiding our real feelings, and could fake a smile and fool everybody. Everybody that is, except for each other.

“I’m in love,” I mumbled, almost inaudible.

“I heard love is supposed to make you happy.”

“It does, except when you fight.”

“What did you guys fight about?”

“I honestly have no idea.” I said as I put Nicky aside and pulled my knees up to my chest.

“How do you not know?”

“I just, we were talking, joking. He gave some stupid scenario and it was ridiculous. I told him if he did it that I would probably end it. He pushed me, he said I couldn’t, I wouldn’t end it. I asked if he wanted to bet. He just kept pushing, telling me I couldn’t do it. I wouldn’t do it. As if I was too weak to actually make a decision on my own about us, and that he had all the control. I said it was over. I wasn’t even serious. I was kidding. I just wanted to be right, to prove that I could do something, even if it was a joke. I just think he thinks of me as some spineless, pathetic person. He took it seriously. I told him a hundred times that I was kidding, I didn’t mean it. But he got off the phone, and wouldn’t listen to me. He forced me to break my own heart.”

I felt something splash against my knee. I already knew what it was, it was a tear. I was crying. I hated myself. I felt weak. I don’t cry, ever. And I especially don’t cry in front of people, more important, I don’t cry in front of my brothers.
I felt Blair’s arms go around me as he pulled me, and my entire body into a hug. “It’s okay, it’s okay,” I heard him whisper and he squeezed me tight, letting me know that he understood, and he was there for me.